my journey journal

2007-11-29T19:45:00.000-08:00

i have been home...

2007-11-29T19:42:00.001-08:00

for a month now.
apologize for not writing sooner.

and ask for deeper apologies for not connecting with many of you in the time that i have come back.

reverse culture shock is everything that they say it is and more.
but... i am beginning to slowly get accustomed to things again.
(bus routes, the irony of dishwahers, and fast paced lives)

i miss you. still.

and will write again soon.er.
please text, email, call... theres alot thats about to start happening.

xo

untitled

2007-10-13T01:09:00.000-07:00

a very beautifully bronzed brad pitt playing young greek warriar achilles said to a trembling servant of apollo (whose name i thinkwas bresaida ... ) something along the lines of:

you are young.
you will never be as beautiful as you are at this moment.
the gods envy US. why? because...our mortaility makes everything that much more beautiful... that much more appreciative.

i was in a community last week where i was told i would be dropped off and picked up by the ngo that i am working with...
it is 19 kilometers away from one of the official guatemalan borders,
19 kilometers away from the main road.
about 100 kilometers from san salvador
i was called early the next day and told that there would be no car to pick me up...
19 kilometers that i had to walk. to catch 2 different buses for the next 81 km
doable because its a paved road and down hill.
i put on a smile and began to treck.

reaching about 4 kilometers, smile beginning to fade...a car came by. a brother of a farmer in town, coming home after a visit.picked us up, because thats what nice people do in small parts of town... and drove us into the next department, some forty five minutes in, half our trip...

my superviser looked at me, jaw dropped in awe,
when we didnt get charged for our lift and got on the nice bus, that would take us directly to san salvador and said: you were born under a lucky star.

i believe it.
my realizations have been many... and as my journey comes to an end, i need to share with youthe acknowledgement of my luck.
i know that i have been lucky.i know that i have been blessed...
i believe that everyone around me has served a purpose, has ridged me with an experience and a certain knowledge for which i am grateful.
grateful for the opportunity to study that my parents gave me.
grateful that after so many years i have now had the opportunity to meet my cousins, uncles, and culture.
grateful for my strength and power as a woman,
instilled by one of the most beautiful and bold, strong and (althoughsometimes contradictory) peaceful woman that i know, my mother.
i am thankful for having those around me in my life, from friends that have not left my side since fourth grade (jehjoh) to those that i have met this year but have undoubtedly left an impression (sexy asian photographers come to mind)
and i want you to know that without having crossed you in my path i would not be where i am now.
and therefore i am lucky.
lucky to know you, to have the opportunity to love you.
and those with who i have not had contact with in a while, whether it be because we fell off of each othersradar or burnt our ends to a non existence,
i hope that one day our paths will cross and i will have the opportunityto thank you...
for taking care of me, listening when i needed you there, whether you were an old coworker, a friend that i havent talked to in years, a fleeting smile that lasted an introduction or a now exboyfriend...
i am grateful for having met you.
i am lucky to be young, and know that i am not invincible, but rather have a mortality that convinces me that i am blessed.

i come from a country cursed with poverty, violence and an ardent love that is evident in stories of guerilla combatters and poetry in our time of war against the imperialist fascism sometimes crowned: democracy.
i come from a mother that although has suffered
(being away from her mother, bouts of poverty, a culture of chauvinism, to say the least)
has supported me in every adventure that i have thougth indispensible, and shakes me into sense when i really should be slapped.
i have been raised by a wonderful uncle, and although sometimes absent father, both of which i know would give their life for me.
i have helped raise two of the most brattiest, arrogant, thoughtful, loving, ridiculously lazy, happy, proud twins, and am proud to say it.
i am friends with rappers, teachers to be, gorgeous children, incredible ex-bosses (courtnay, danavan, rosalynn, kim,jasmine) farmers, ex boyfriend's cousins, deejays, students, photographers,
compassionate, beautiful, and loving people.

my sisters are black, irish, whiter than cake, and filipino.

i return in two weeks, and for the first time in seven years i will be jobless, i would be lying if i told you that didnt make me nervous (i havent had a source of income for the past 4 months and am now much more in debt than most families of 4)
but it also means that i have the opportunity to continue to grow, to learn, to love.

i want to finish learning how to play the guitar, how to ride a motorcycle, i want my pilots license.
i want to continue to advocate for the rights of children, of women, of those socially excluded in the two countries that i now feel comfortable calling home.

i want to foster children, fight for what i know is right, and begin to blueprint my plans on how i wish to fix the world.

i know that i am not invincible, but james dean once said that we should dream as if we will live forever, and live as if we were going to die today.

dreaming is free, and in a country like canada, i have learned that if you dig far enough, you can make holes big enough to call opportunity... i have had the opportunity to have you in my life...

and if thats how the game works, then i will continue to dream.

so thank you.i know that i have told you, but i will repeat it... i love you all...

late...

2007-10-01T12:10:00.000-07:00

its been some time since i have had a minute to write… i apologize.

and so. including today I have I think 26 days left… and all I can assure u is that I have never been this anxious in my life.
the thought of a city of angles … to quote equinox…of the lack of coconut trees… of not having cousins, aunts, and roosters… (rather strange that I group them together but their level of importance in my life at the moment is huge.) is enough to send me into panic attacks, so I try not to think of it, and when I do this I am continuously taken by surprise by how beautiful the chaotic blend of sunsets, landscapes and jungle of people and vehicles can be…

and then….
there is work, that I feel like I am nowhere near complete, but am also resigning to the thought that I will never feel complete because honestly I do not want to leave…
I think that the process of learning is neverending and I am sure that this will continue, regardless, I cannot help but feel like it’s the last 26 days of everlasting…

…in the past week I have visited Morazan, had laser eye surgery, gotten to know my father, my country and my patience…
I have fallen in love with the story of a radio broadcast during the war…
read and reread Roque Dalton poems feelin welcomed into the warmth of words..
driven to both extremes of the country..
had anecdotes from the war told to me by Sebastian from los Torogoces, a guerilla makeshift band that held guitars in one hand, and arms in the next…
gotten lost/frustrated/happy/upset/anxious/calm/melancholic/nervous/tired endless amount of times…

and thought of you.
I will see you soon… too soon, and too far at the same time…
xo

it's been a minute

2007-09-08T08:08:00.000-07:00

to say the least.
my days have been busy, filled with twins, blue eyed besties, and my mother...
i took a week off work to make sure i could get enough of a dosage of it all only to end up feelin the strangest feeling of being alone. it had not really hit me how much i miss the ones that are closest to me until i had some of them here and had to face leaving them again.
it also made me realize that i have a very short/long time left here, depending how you look at it.
i love it. absolutely in love with the people, with my family, with my work and with what i am finding myself capable of. i dont want to leave, and it makes me sad to think that it is a reality i probably will never again experience with the coming of 'development'...this makes it a very short time.
but then i think of u.
and i start having daydreams of everything we will do when i come home...
i have conversations with heather about halloween plans. and realize how ridiculous it is, but am absolutely sure that it is a symptom.
i am diagnosing myself as homesick.
there is no real treatment. just a cure.
and as sick as i am.. i dont know how quickly i want this remedy.

which makes me feel hopelessly confused.
i have music now (it is great to have personal dj's ).... thank you.
you have aided in my nostalgia.
i have paintings from wonderful artists, my girlies are growing up to be incredible ladies...
thank you.
i have had birthday gifts (i havent taken off my new tops... unless it is to wash them, sandra and marilyn.... love u!)
endless endless.. ENDLESS... birthday wishes, which makes me miss you, love you even more than i thought possible.
and. seriously. a luggage case FULL OF SCHOOL SUPPLIES.
i am back at work. but u can be assured that you are in my thoughts...
i will write soon.
i promise.
xo
- c

2007-08-17T21:40:00.000-07:00

i ve been meaning to write. but the overflow of emotions cannot be funneled into any mold that resembles logic.
so i have chosen not to. not to funnel, but to let u know all the levels of feelings.
for the past two weeks i have fought with doctors after a child breaks open his head...blood everywhere. i am told to tell his pregnant mom to carry him to the next town. cars cant get into ours. i have had a steady participation level in my groups, theyve grown. to ridiculous sizes, i have 22 in my youngest group, 15 in my oldest, and 23 in my tweens. quite impossible? nah. hectic fun. learning through understanding. laughs. and a shit load of spelling mistakes.
i have found paradise.
ironically in an environment that i cannot manipulate.

and yet, i find that i miss subway rides for the brief moment of solitude in the most public of places. i miss the bark of my dog welcoming me. the ability of being able to say i can help, and doing so.

i am finding happiness in ducks, babies first words including "nena", multiple shades of green creating rooftops of leaves, stars, hammocks, cold riverbreak baths at dawn, and hearing ure voice.

i am gettin frustrated with being told that i am too far for any sort of ambulance, that help doesnt reach places like 'that', of hearing mockery of 'civilization' and my community being far from it.

no let me tell u something.
one of the ladies that lives the farthest... i mean 45 mn downhill... and then 15 up again to where she is, got bitten by a snake.. in exactly 1.5 hours the whole community knew. she WALKED for 2. 5 hours before hitching a ride to the hospital. (did i mention shes pregnant) .in the 1.5 hours, the community organized food for her children, the men told her husband, covered his shift at the water project, took care of his crops and helped him hitch a ride to visit her. when she returned four days later, she KNEW that everything was goin to be taken care of.

our level of civilization is primitive, survival of the fittest, is backwards.

my family comes next week. IF YOU CAN. i would LOVE for you to please collect your nice and SMALL teddy bears, i NEED more school supplies - think pencils, sharpners, pens... etc.
i miss, miss, miss... music.
if you know me, you knw that i love things that are dedicated. music that reminds you of me, made for me, or in one way or another connects me to you...
think bonnie tylers total eclipse of the heart, aideen... irene caras wat a feeling, nylda...
i do miss, talib, erykah, zaki, tumi, arowbe, tlc, the killers, nas, al greene, jill, floetry, jaguar wright, the verve pipe, gwen, regina spektor, aaliyah, music.

send me some...
get at my moms.. 647 284 2130

and for ESTEFANIE!! its about time ma!!!!!!! sooooo happy for u! i wnat an invite with a veggie plate.
i come back the 26, of october ... cant wait to see u all!

realizations..............

2007-08-05T11:11:00.001-07:00

realizations include the wonder of friendships, how i can visualize rougey irish cheeks turning up into a smile to try to getme out of an emotional ditch. something only a girlfriend that shared metallic lipstick with me in grade nine could really do.

i hear about our diverse group going to sneaky dees, about new cars, caribana costumes, summer plansof cousins that are not mine, but i will always love like they were family and i smile as life continues without my physical presence in the land of the dot.(something that my egotistical lil brain could not even fathom before i left!)

i miss you guys. immensely. my heart breaks as i try in vain to call you all. i have an image of my soulmate serving patio tables to aristocratic fools at milestones, of my big sister standing behind a counter at noahs jumping on her toes, wishin she was dancing.

imagine.

not sure why i chase realities so different, why i love it there so much, but am never full, never quite satisfied...to come bask here and feel the incredible void that is all of you.

realizations include that i will probably continue to do this.jeopardizing opportunities for a personal life in the search for some order in the mess of the world.che guevara had asthma, i could deal with the constant wheezing. as long as they are not full of dengue, i can handle the ridiculous amounts of mosquito bites.i could survive the pain of not being with you, as long as i can continue to hear the pure giggle of a toddler when i wake up.

i know where i am in my life. i have shed my skin of awkwardness and am stepping into a zone where the lines between comfort and discomfort are slurred by children's laughter. i feel young, invincible. i fight complacency, and refuse to yearn for companionshipin a search for a love that i now realize that i cannot find in another individual. i push the pause button on my personal life, with tthe further realization that everything will come in due time. with the knowledge that my girls are a phone call away, and that i willalways have arms to turn to.

realizations include that i have a large, beautiful family. that love to spoil me, hug me, kiss me. that i can find comfort late at nightin the bed and large bosom of an aunt i have met twice in the past month. that i am known. i am loved.

i am slowly beginning to realize my role here, and i am excited to share with my virgin love that is the copinoles what i know about 'development'. what i know about consumerism, (thoughts of shoes fill my head), globalization and the economic and emotional impactof the search for the american dream. i have three groups right now. 5-11 are my kids, 12-15 my tweens and 16-19 are a group of wonderful men that travel to come meet once a week. next week i start community organziation meeting with the moms. i am learning to advocate with the community for advancements in kichens, outhouses. for the need for water all year round. for support in their cropsduring the dry winter.

so i realize that you will do you, take care of yourself, love yourself like i love u. know that i miss you, that i am cheering you on.

in all your endeavours. know that awkward stages of "idontknows" will past, that friendships last longer than relationships,and that i want to continue to be part of your life.so dont forget to call me. write. love me.
i miss you all, but.

i realize that for now. i am neither there, nor am i lost. i have found what i was looking for. i am here, now.
xo. - c.

2007-07-28T09:55:00.000-07:00

couple of conversations from the week:
worker: "Nina Cecilia, do you know first aid?" ....Me: "yes, what can i help you in?"worker: "one of the workers fell and cut off three fingers."Me: "...... hm... right."

Kid: "Nina Cecilia, when you leave i am goin to DIE!"me: "DIE?!?! Dont you think thats takin it a bit too far?"Kid: " ok... maybe not DIIIIE>.... but i will cry... ALOT!"

4AM: of every morning since tuesdayme ... sleepinat least 5 kids outside my window... whispering..do you think shes awake yet??? wow, she sleeps alot.. shhh dont talk to loud!
until i get up, go outside and play....
i am fallin in love. hard. and dont want to catch myself. there is beauty in the naturalness and purity of every child, in the willingness to help of their parents.i have officially started working, am getting used to climbing rocks to get places.love bathing in the river with the kids at 6 everymorninglove even more the late night coversations wiht them all, where they take turns trying to make me laughwith jokes and riddles.that i am never alone, but always followed by a trail of at least 5 children.love that the babies are geting used to me.that i have accomplished my learnig plan.that i was given an opportunity to be part of their reality.

i have no phone reception. (unless i am on a hill behind the school... lol)the roads are disgusting bc of the rain, making it hard to get in or out.no tv.no radiono contact to news.
i wash clothes in the river.dishes in a bucket.eat beans and tortillas for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
i am happy.
its vacation week next week. all the kids are off school......cant wait.
love and miss u all.

2007-07-20T19:30:00.000-07:00

for aideen:

[and maybe claudine... snail mail love?]

IGNACIO ALEJO
PJE. 3 RESD. EL MANZANO II NO 52
SAN SALVADOR, SAN SALVADOR, EL SALVADOR

cant wait love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

seriously...
XXXXXXXOOOOOoooooxxxxXOXxOxOXOXOXOoxoxoOX

so theres these spaniards

2007-07-18T09:59:00.000-07:00

who are here volunteering... which is all good. but they know nothing.
nothing of social situation. history of. nothing.

they come and bitch that theres no water. therses water, they just gotta carry it
bitch when they have to work.
they bitch when theres nothing for them to do , but meanwhile they dont know how to do anything.

take for example. one. shes a 'social worker' so they ask her to do a study as to why kids arent goin to school. ok she says .. two weeks later she gives me these questionnaires. i look at them, read the first 2 lines and realize. yo. this is a piece of shit. ha! no way im askin these questions. ask her, why exactly are we doin this... well umm... see.. i respond. right.
so theres a meeting on mondayw ith the coordinators. where me and my big mouth exclaim that hey! theres no objectives to this study, theres no purpose, shit there really isnt a hypothesis... that the questionnaire has leadin quesitons. that it isnt good!
and wat do they do??? they throw it on me, cuz really miss. social worker has NO experience, nothing onthis. and did nt take the trouble of lookin into it.
so NOW. instead of being in los copinoles, hanging out with the kiddies tha ti adore i am in town, in front of a computer hangin out with chicks whose accent i dont understand and working on something that if published it wont be with my name as i found out. so!
im not happy.
and im bored.
which makes me think of home.
and of my girls.
and my kids.
and fam.
and dog.
and me being bored makes me terribly home sick.
TERRIBLE

miss u all.

missin u

2007-07-15T11:57:00.001-07:00

a 30 second note to let you know that i am still alive. not well...i have come down with the famous'travellers diarreah' gotten to thepoint where i am no longer embarrassed about my curse, but rather more aboutthe distinction between me and those around me.this is something that has been on my mind since i got here, the duo identity thatliving in a diasporic nation has followed me and i find is now bothering me more than ever
where in canada i proudly tell people that i am "from el salvador", here i find myself excusing myignorance for things such as ... oh i dont know, opening doors, with an under my breath and sorry"i come from canada'... everything from the way i walk, to the mannerism in how i talk, to the relief i feelwhen i watch a movie in english, or talk to one of you - reminds me of how i did not grow up here,
yet, feel delighted at meeting cousins and being surrounded by caring family.
my week?incredible, i spent my first week - well couple of days in copinoles... the caserillo that i will be workign in.allow me to tell you the story of what is copinoles...
it has been a community of indiginous people dispersed around the river paz - (that borders guatemala)a community of people that live off the land, make their living from maiz and frijoles, and literally work to eat.
some 6 years ago they worked together in the making of a school - knocking on doors of various ngo's after themunicipal government of what is tacuba did not pay them mind.
this is how they encountered adic. adic told them that they would give them the materials, if they put in the labbour
now. what you should keep in mind that this is labour without roads - so concrete bricks were being hauled on backs of anyone that could carry at least one, (after the death of 4 horses, it was recognized that this is the only way that works) UPHILL, that labour does not include the wonderful machinery that we haveat our disposal, because, that would require electricity. so LABOUR. is that. LABOUR. but this wish, that their childrenreceive education was acualized 3 months from their starting date, and has been in effect now for more than half a decad
Soon after, ADIC proposed the building of houses, seeing that the tin structures that were in place after the earthquakewould not last the effects of any other natural disaster, say for example Stan, that hit a couple of years ago.Excited the community again organized and broke down what they would need, first, to be closer together in order tohelp each other in the building of the houses, second an easier method of transporting material.two things happened because of this - one. a road (dirt, uphill and rocky as hell) was built - meaning that thosefrom the copinoles had access to the world, (or at least the town) and others to them. and two. the making of a REAL cooperative. with subgroups, that came abouts later.houses were built in areas with easier access to the school, still somewhat dispersed - but their own.THESE HOUSES are two rooms, a small living room and a corridor in front.
in this way the community has worked to make their outhouses, and now their kitchens.similarly, they are working their asses off in the bringing of water and electricity to their community.
now...with a community so untouched there are a couple of things, beauty, for example that comes from making a type of governing structure that is based on them and works for them, something that is yet to be touchedby corruption or capitalisma sense of virginity.
people that work for the betterment of each other, where the word individual does not exist in the context that wesee it. and where betterment is not survival of the fittest, not who has what bigger than whom, but making surethat all are fed, that all are happy in the sense of contentment... an example of thisis how the cooperative have worked together in two things the last year, one an adult literacy program twice a weekfor women, on these days, osmeone else has to be charge of making food, ie. DAD. (which in other parts of the countrythis is unheard of) and two. a soccer field - which they have just aquired the rights to.
along wiht this virginity, which you may notice as i talk about the community is a level of organization that is almostmilitant. there is a communal responsibility that is new to me, fresh, yet that has allowed for their survival the pasthundreds of years. when we talk about community organizing, it is us that need to learn from them.
and so. i stay with a family of 5 kids, sharing a room with the eldest daughter of 13, ( i have no idea where mom dadand the other four stay!) fed beans for breakfast lunch and dinner, bathing in a river break wiht the girls at 4 amand learning.
hoping that with the coming of electricity the sense of beauty,virgen, will not be lost.
i am happy. sick. but excited to be living in a place so different, so pure, and oddly enough feeling so right.
i miss you all. and in times when i feel like death, ie. today, i want only to hear your voices.so thank you soulmate for your call. and my giiiiirlies (alex and jessie) you have no idea how happy you have made me.
xo.i love u.

2007-07-07T15:39:00.000-07:00

011 503 7314 3937

call me.
i am dying of boredom...

2007-07-06T09:59:00.000-07:00

the ride to the town is almost two and a half hours. of course, half an hour of this was with a stop for breakfast - the ride to the town is a story in itself.through the city... until a path of smooth highway stretch covered witha canopy of trees.trees that i had only imagined in my dreams, of all shapes and sizes imaginable.characters as lively and diverse as kensingtons sunday festivals.all seem to be holding hands over the car, united in making sure enough shade reaches the passengersproud of their jobs.... holders of a path:
a path towards a horizon of majestic volcanoes, a garden of mythical value...

cut.too soon.
abrupt and uninvited - interrupted.
our canopy is replaced with large grey buildings crudely break the scenery, a cell phone billboard with a fair skinned girl being the life of the party exclaiming that "happiness doesnt sleep"... neither do the shadows that lurk behind the pretense of what happiness SHOULD be...
i am told that this used to be the centre of the coffee cultivating areas.filled now with the third world plague: maquilas: sweatshops.
i have read about them. done papers. watched movies. infinite research...but this week it has never failed to stop me dead in my tracks and think:
a country whose greatest export used to be coffee is now labour.wait. no. i stand corrected. labour is paid for a fair agreed upon wage. this shit is slavery.
let me rephrase.a country whose greatest export USED to be coffee, took out infinite amount of IMF/World bank loans to buildhigh ways, and these wonderous big great buildings in the hopes that some blood thirsty tyrant such as, oh. i dont know, WALMART.. can come in and use the space... maybe even 'hire' some of the locals.
for 160 a month.now that ladies and gents. is full time work.40 hours a week.
40 fuckin BLOODY HOURS. four weeks.
now correct me if i am wrong. but thats 160 hours a month. that is a dollar a fuckin hour.
now. friends. dont for a minute think that life here is in any way cheaper than the Global North.
the impact that our neighbours at the US of A has had include the building of 4 beautiful shopping malls. all of which would put yorkdale to shame.
it includes the expectation for level of life.
now we, we know growing up what that pressure is. what those expectations are. from something as ridiculousto what shoes to wear when, to something more intense like where you live.
and we wonder why there is high level of gang activity. people actually sit here and rub their chins wondering where the moms went wrong.
fuck you.moms with up to 5 children are out making a dollar for every hour they sweat blood.sooner or later the eldest of these five will start to realize where their responsibility lies.
i feel a sinking sensationthe somatic realization of my emotions begins to grow in my stomach and moves to my chest.
i hold back tears.just as we pass the new fenced community with matching matchbox houses starting "as low as $85 000!!"
there is about an hour and a half before we get to tacuba.
let me tell you the story of tacuba, as the two and a half hours with my wonderful escort has led me to understand:
tacuba is on the outskirts of el salvador, it neighbours a river that neighbours guatemala.of the 2 and a half hours to get there one is on highway...half an hour is at the Texaco gas station eatingeggs and drinkin coffee, and one is on roads that i had to mentally try to believe that i am not motion sick, uphill with turns so grave you begin to wonder why anyone would extort themselves to such extremities.
i am told that at least NOW (now being the last 5 years) the road is paved.
Tacuba is a town (almost a municipality) of about 20 000.it is divided into 12 "cantones" ... think neighbourhoods. ie. tobermory and yellowstone in jane and finch.these are then divided into "caserillos" extremes of the extremes.i will be working in a caserillo called Capinoles, in the canton of El Cahuite, but this will come after. firstTacuba.
in the earthquakes of 2001, 95% of Tacuba, that is to say, all of what is caserillos, cantones, etc. fell.No one died.that is when the organization that i am working with came in.they started with housing...
95% is a large number, but when considering that the houses of 2 maybe 3 rooms were made with mud and shingles, it isnt too hard to believe.
houses where being built, and lifestyles where improving. never where houses built FOR. which i love.the community works together, and although there is an architecture and contracter hired, the community works at building one another the houses.
2003. 53 children die of malnurition.ADIC realizes that shit. housing is def not the only thing hat requires attention here.clinics were built.now ADIC is in charge of large social movements that include education (both adult literacy and the buildingand contracting of school/teachers), housing, sanitary (OUTHOUSES. yes. OUTHOUSES), the building of kitchens, community organizing and health promotion.
diet here is mainly corn and beans (maiz y frijoles)before, people worked part time in the coffee industry, making enough to supplement their diet with rice, milk, some proteins etc.witht he passing of the coffee trade, the control given to our neighbours and the plummet of coffee values., some ten years ago, part time work dissappeared. so did supplementary diets.with the decrease of nutrition, there is an increase in sickness.so although the focus here is HEALTH promotions, and the beds are to deal mainly wiht the dietary needs of a childits sickness that causes the need for money... more time in beds, more need for doctors.

the social issues that the town faces currently include the epidemic of unemployment and the rise of youth"delinquency"
(connection? no shit)
I was shown 2 of the 12 cantones yesterday, not the one where i will be located as of next week becausethat one is too far to go to, some 15 km on turny uphill dirt/mud road embedded with rocks and boulders that appearwherever they feel like.
of the 2 that i was shown, both have a "sala de parto" which is a delivery room (for babies) that doubles as a clinic in emergencies, both have a school, one being of about 3 rooms in total and the other much largerthat will double as a highschool as well, something that as of yet had been unheard of in the small town.
In Copinoles, which is where I hope to stay for a couple of weeks (with the permission of the school, my countless uncles and aunts and of course, my parents blessing) there is a small school (the adult literacyrate here is ridiculously low, something that the town is combatting and trying to prevent...neverthelessit is much easier to eat if the whole family is working rather than just the father)I have been told that the level of organization is intense, something that has been magnified because ofthe lack of electricity (nothing really better to do!)to the point where the community has been given the materials and a civil engineer to begin the process ofaquiring running water, and they have coordinated the labour.This kind of organization was evident also in the building of roads which will unite cantones in hopes that this willmake the travel to high school that much easier for the youth here.
On the way home I was exhausted but nevertheless excited, interrogated as to what my wishes are by family that will be worried even if I work around the corner, but realize the experience that I will gain.
So this is how it goes. I am in the office on Mondays, access to computers and internet, etc because that is stillin San Salvador (major city), Tuesday I am shipped out for the 2 (and a half - becuase ppl gotsta eat) hoursto Tacuba, and then the 1 (if its not raining) to Copinoles where I will stay until Friday and do the whole trip in reverse.
I do not receive cellphone connection, or have anywhere to plug it in, so call me from Friday to Monday...
Know this: I adore hearing your voice, you are never a bother when you call, and I think of you everyday.all of you.
miss you madly: nena.

i need to---

2007-07-05T16:21:00.000-07:00

stop sneakin onto lent computers and go to a cyber cafe to tell you all thats happened in the last 2 days...
and upload pictures.

short synopsis. i know where i am goin to be.
i am maddd excited as they found a wicked place with tons of kids for me to hang out with.

theres walls to paint
and ppl that are excited to organize and have fresh ideas
theres a river... so tons of fish.

there isnt=
water
electricity.

tell u more soon
xo

earthquake!!

2007-07-03T13:13:00.000-07:00

there was an earthquake in the town where i am supposed to be working in.

i was supposed to be there today

i got food poisoning

no one told me that i wasnt supposed to eat the fish sold at the cute lil palm covered booths on the beach.

common sense fails me sometimes....

haha. but things happen for a reason i guess!

im kinda sick. which makes me miss trouble and you.

how bout you buy a bloody callin card and call me???

2007-07-01T20:35:00.000-07:00

i have a cell phone.please call me!i think. and i could be wrong. that to dial here is0 11 503 22 and then the number [PLEASE VERIFY THIS!!!!]THE NUMBER:73143937
it was quite interesting how all of this occured.i have been with my mothers family today, and it seems... that they like me.
interestingly enough, i have a sense that the shine is going to die down after a couple of weeks.or maybe days.. but they insisted on me spending my first sunday with them... convinced the other 3 members of my fathersfamily that i would be fine.and i convinced them that instead of spending the day at my grandmothers ranch.. [which is in a valley that without a word of a lie is at least ten degrees hotter than the rest of the country... which is already at a 35degrees... and INFESTED with mosquitos... which btw are INLOVE with me!!]to spend the day at the beach =p
i had a blast. i did. its absolutely my favouritest place in the world. the beach.i took loads of pictures.i also came to the realization that i get along quite well with my female cousins that are of very close age range.i took pictures of them as well.... but have very very limtited facebook and internet access... ill try to post them sometime soon.
i miss u all. and although i offically look like every one else,[my tan is nicer than joyce's!!!} i stick out like you would not believe!take for example...i have no idea how doors work.[locked my self out of the house when iw as homealone and ended up taking a wonderful trip over neighboursrooftops to climb terraces...]
but i will get used to it soon enough.please accept my kisses!!!!!!!!

2007-06-29T07:21:00.000-07:00

9pm... ure time. thursday.
are u getting ready for chinadoll? watching greys?my thursday is a bit out of your context.i am in my new room... on my laptop.listenig to a limited edition mixtape, of songs so soothing, they calm my nerves.which. btw. have been on edge, only because i woke up from my slumber on the hammock, to a thunderstorm...rolling thudner.
i hate thunder.so i listen. and breathe.in my new room.. being illuminated by a candle. we havent had electricity for 2 days now.
i feel...far.inside myself.

8.25 am. my time.friday

i have no access to facebook.
i have 11 mosquito bites. including one on my ass, and one on my forehead...
hee hee.
but i slept.
its a beautiful day...
xoxo

i havent left yet but....

2007-06-25T20:03:00.000-07:00

it is monday.

i leave in 57 hours.

and i want a way to stay connected...but facebook is too intrusive.

so lets do this.

let me tell you my thoughts, fears, anxieties and share my smiles.

let me share with you like i already do... and not lose touch with those that i love the most.

if it is not too much of a hassle...

check me here regularly.. i will try to post as much as i can...

it is monday.

i leave in 57 hours.

for 126 days.

to the country of my birth.

on a trip that can be thought of as selfish. but a journey into finding my history.

on a trip that i have been wishing to do for over seven years now:

but am nowhere near prepared.

i would tell you where i will be, but really i am not all that sure.

right now i know this:

i need to complete my placement as the final requirement for my degree:

576 hours of work.

i will be doing this in Tacuba, Ahauchapan for an organization called ADIC [ adicelsalvador.org ]

and i will be spending the weekends with my family...

monday is on its last stretch... so is my sanity...

so i will leave my first post with the hopes that this blog will serve a purpose...
with a kiss, a smile and an 'i love you'.

- nena